Friday, 7 August 2015

Waking up, growing up, and moving on

Sometimes when I'm thinking about things that have happened, the way things could have been and the way they are I wonder how I ended up just how I got here.

I'm passing the fourth anniversary of the day I finally saw the real world beyond what my eyes told me and I still think about this. What if I had moved away a long time ago? What if I had stayed where I was instead of where I am? What if I never woke up up? It's something that happens to me every now and then, and I'm not sure if it'll ever really go away.

Of course, it's a silly thing to wonder about. If any of those things didn't happen, I would be a different person. I know this for sure. Everything that happened in my life lead me to where I am now. What happened, how I reacted, and what naturally followed. The other possibilities? They aren't me. They never happened. They will never happen. Who I am now is purely from an act of Grace and how I chose to react and not a drawing of straws.

But, doubts always assail even in goofy things like this. It's just part of being human. Sometimes my curiosity overpowers what I already know.

What it helps me be is grateful. Grateful that I'm alive. Grateful that I was able to see what I had become and what I could be. Grateful that I was given the opportunity to be something better than I was.

It's something I might always be thinking about-- the what if, but it is not something I will regret.

I've moved on, and now I have to keep myself from falling again. We're all made of glass, but we can always glue ourselves back together with the right help. And that's a comfort for a screw-up like me.



Nite and Grey
Preformed by: Urge Overkill
Written by: Nash Kato, Eddie "King" Roeser, and Blackie Onassis


Would you lie? Would you lie to me?
Down in Memphis
And New Orleans?

Would you lie? Would you lie to me?
'Cause I don't need it anymore
'Cause I got freed

Nite and grey
Night as day
This is the last time
This is the last time

Nite and grey

Never been, never bend a knee
I saw Jesus on the road
And I got freed

Never going down, going down to Hell
'Cause I don't need it anymore
I'm already here

Nite and grey
Night as day
This is the last time
This is the last time

Nite and grey

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